The Wonderful World of- *KaBOOM*

My parents wonder why I'm such a stubborn mule. Yet I don't think anyone in my family, immediate and relatives, has ever backed away from an argument. Arabs everywhere, in order for us to dominate the world, we need to learn our flaws. I will name a few:

Follow your heart, or the blood soaked trail. I prefer Skittles.

Listen as you read.

I've always been a man of faith. Following what was just and right in my heart. A man of morals. I grew up learning of my roots and how I became such a great man. Became the person I was. Never vain, never without compromise. Never without fault. I was the absolute perfect son any father would wish to have. The perfect son any mother would love to give birth to. The perfect sibling to brothers and sisters all over. If there was anyone to look up to, it was me. I would guide people in the right path, I would let them find eternity. I would give them hope in times that others would find darkness. I was the person, that people could count on. I could lead armies, with a wisp of my words. I could gather people to do my will. I could manipulate anything and anyone to my will. I could teach, where knowledge was lost. I could love, when love was blind.

Key part of all of this, everything is past tense.

The Adventures of Half-Sack 3: Return of the Boner

Been meaning to publish this one for some time, just didn't realize it's been so damn long. I feel like at times, I spew nonsense and bullshit, and yet people still read it aimlessly. My writing could be better, it could be structured better, it could even taste better. But I guess this is what I get for not taking it so seriously. I think I do good, at least for someone with no actual schooling in the arts except for culinary, although that was hogwash anyways. I think I need to go back to school. Not for the degree/diploma/certificate whatever. But for the sole fact that I miss the atmosphere. Going somewhere, doing nothing and making friends. Because honestly, I tried the whole homework thing, wasn't for me. I just pulled my pants up and did the tests or exams and an occasional project, and got some good marks. I don't care for the score at the end of the road. As long as people know what I'm about, they could care less if a 95% was beside my name. Why I say this? Because I can do things you can't, I'm a jack of all trades. Master of none. And I like that. Somewhat.

My life is ultimately better than yours.

Hello dear readers. I have risen once again from my long slumber of which I call the 'working life'. I have slaved endlessly to make dues with bills, debts and hookers. Bitches be crazy. It's been some time since I sat down and wrote, about anything really. My mind has been elsewhere, wandering off into the unknown or known, waiting patiently for someone or something to grab hold of me. I don't know why its taken me so long to put thought onto the screen of my dusty ass computer, but it just has. There's so much I would love to spew all over your junk ( take it as you please ;) ) My life, my story has always been about others really, never once thinking about myself for long periods of time. I like that. Even though I get chewed up and spat out like some flavorless gum, I always wanted to make everyone feel wanted. Because when they were happy, I was happy. I always got to a point where I said, " No more.", but that's not me. I need that. Call it weak or pathetic, I was made this way. My parents raised me to be compassionate, and humble. They also taught me pride. And boy, I have a lot of that. However, some people know how to abuse that, and make me vulnerable. It's a twisted feeling at first, but maybe I've grown accustomed to it. Maybe I need that kick to the teeth to wake me up from false pride.

My life, heart and brains. An immersion of what is Jean Paul Mallah.

I constantly repeat the phrase, " I am an asshole." This might be true, but I can list a whole lot of problems with myself. It wouldn't take up more than a sentence though. I mean, I'm a bit of these things - I'm shallow, a hypocrite, I'm pessimistic, usually angry and sad, I judge others unfairly and ruthlessly, I lie, I cheat when prompted, I accuse others of problems I do myself, I see the glass half empty, I'm lazy, I'm disturbingly blunt, I'm vain, I swear profusely, I'm racist, I pick fights that never should have started, I argue, I'm stubborn, I yell when I could easily talk, I'm annoying, I have an average penis, I drink, I smoke occasionally, I do drugs on a holiday basis, I've committed crimes, I have skeletons in my closet and backyard, I've broken hearts, I'm shameful, I'm shy, I'm aggressive, I've ruined a somewhat good relationship, I've burned bridges because of my thick head, I've turned my back on others, I've severed ties, I've stolen from friends and family, I've pitied others when I should pity myself for being weak when I boast my glee, I smile when I should be crying and I've kept secrets for far too long. Not that bad eh? I really am an asshole. I know this, not to be proud of it, but to remind myself that I am not perfect. I'm human. But really, how much until human becomes inhuman? I should be behind bars, thinking over my life. I'm probably just being harsh on myself, but this is me, or really, half.

Fork me in the ass, I'm forking tired. Wouldn't mind a quick fork though, maybe in your forking house beside your forking table. Forking. Fork.

New job. Wicked. My brain is moving at speeds unknown, which is most likely slow because I feel like I can't think anymore for the rest of my life. I've worked long hours before, sometimes 100+ in a week, so this isn't new to me. It doesn't usually bug me, unless the people I work for are jackasses. Luckily that hasn't been the case for a long time, so I'm grateful for that. My new bosses are just the tits. Both brothers, both young and both willing to joke around. But you know me, I take things to the next level, I annoy. Shouldn't really be proud of that, but heck, we're all still getting to know each other, I promise I'll grow on them. If not, I'll probably be crucified or worse - shunned. Like Jesus with everyone in Jerusalem. He didn't give two shits about being nailed, but when it came to attention, he soaked it all up. Imagine if no one listened to him and he just got executed. Oh wait. Anyways, life's looking a bit better nowadays, nowhere near as crummy as the past couple of months, and my hair is getting there. Unfortunately I seem to lack hair in some areas on my face, which is stalling my Amish beard. Dammit.

The key to all of life's problem, are Timbits.

Hello world, and welcome to my blog. Where we all waste away our lives reading something that benefits us in no way possible. But hey, we still read it. Even I sometimes go through my insanely long and dreadful blog entries, looking at mistakes, comments and silly things that lead to flashbacks. Often do I see the constant swear word followed by a person. I can see that I seem to be a bitter man. Well, I kind of am, I could say the least. Seeing as I've lead a life full of letdowns and failures, I can easily say there is much more to live for than the present. I could be your typical self-loathing angst ridden teenager, wanting more from the world but never putting any value towards it. I've seen myself in the worst of times, trying to get by with a shred of optimism, and alcohol. I've been through those times where life begins to stroke your balls, making you think all of life's problems will be but a wisp in the night and you will begin anew. Then it takes one of your balls and gives you cancer. But don't stop there, friends. Don't dread the day, live it. Don't wallow in your self-pity, go swim. How I came to these conclusions of glorified optimism? I simply went to a Tim Horton's with some good friends and a stack of cards.