The Adventures of Half Sack 2 - Cancer Strikes Back

Hello there world! Welcome to my masterpiece comprised of all of my hatred, filth and utter comic experiences. Wherever I may shit, I will shit with pride. Thanks to all of you who read this religiously, you're setting yourself up for fantastic failure. For the others, fuck you and read my mindless blog. I promise it'll make your otherwise uneventful life much more uneventful. Seeing as I'll most likely bash whatever lifestyle you think you lead. Typically, I get responses here and there from brain spazzing fans, who tell me what to write. I would love to share your hatred for 'dumb ass bitches', but because you actually think that's an acceptable terminology, I should fucking kill you. Or when people say, " Write about those stupid chinks who yell." Thanks dick brain, you just named the entire continent of Asia. I truly love you all, especially because you constantly give me inspiration to become a serial killer and go on a mass killing spree. There are tons of you out there who disagree with the plethora of hate that spews from my mouth. To you, open your eyes and brainwash yourself to think like me. Why do I say something so damn cocky? Because I can. And because you're still reading.

Git on thar n show me dem titties!

I am absolutely astonished by boobs. As extreme as that sounds, the word doesn't even describe how much I love them. For all the chicks who are calling me a pervert by reading this, fuck you bitch, I bet my remaining nut you dream of dick all day. It doesn't really matter how big they are, as long as they fit the person. For instance, a super hot babe, with a great ass and a fucking boy chest is not what anyone planned, it's god's way of telling you to get implants. Or fat chicks with small boobs. What the fuck? Also, skinny chicks with blimps are retarded. Your back is going to kill, and I'm not paying for surgery down the road. Every woman has a unique pair of mamma jammas. Most of them suit them. Others, are unfortunate to suffer from what I call, the Aretha Franklin complex. Sure the astonishing singer has a voice only the gods themselves can create. But man, her titties are like the grand canyon, without the grand part. No one wants them.

Baby, you can sing....but that's about it.

The Adventures of Half-Sack.

Well, I was going to keep this to myself, but what better to share my shitty fucked up life with you dicks, who will eventually use it to attack me with pathetic insults and comebacks only your mom would ask back. All of you may know me as the gentle, kind and loving guy who always talked about how big his balls are and how you'll never amount to anything. You got that right. Especially the balls part. This is a story about my testicles, and how paying attention to your beans will pay out in the end. Especially when you're early. They aren't kidding when they say to inspect your body for anything unnatural. I did that, and found Gilligan's Island growing on my right nut. Things didn't really seem different until I started to notice drastic changes and slight pain. My body was telling me to get it checked but the porn was telling me to stay. Decisions like this are usually saved for the most important of men, and that day, I was a VIP in my own right. I could say this is all life changing, but so is taking a dump, because they're all usually never the same. Gratifying if you will. This however did make me see things in a whole new light, and somehow, I'm going to be a little more cautious and less arrogant when it comes to watching porn. Oh and life as well.

Instead of being a closed minded cock bolt, try something different for a change, you saggy old vagina.

Food. It doesn't stop at just apples and mangoes. Pineapple shouldn't be the biggest extreme of your life. Going to Mandarin shouldn't be considered fine dining. Well, unless all you've ever tried in your life was fried foods served in Styrofoam containers. Sure, it's awesome to stick with what's known and good, but sometimes you gotta ask yourself if there's something else out there. Instead of ordering pizza, go to an actual pizza restaurant. See how REAL pizza is made. You probably want to say, " BUT JP LOLZ, ITZ 2 EXPENSIV LOLZ.!" Well, my illiterate shit stain, instead of spending money on fast food all the time, or clothes you'll never wear, games you'll never play after beating or toys because you're really an infantile jerk at heart - you can easily save, oh I don't know, 20 bucks? Because fresh, restaurant made pizza doesn't cost you your first born. Usually people are so close minded when it comes to eating out ( I'll get on the thing you're thinking of in another blog you dumb fuck.), that they always feel that going out means they have to dish out loads of money. This is only true if you are retarded and pay more than 10 bucks for chicken wings. Especially when it comes in a basket with paper outlining.

A blog about Fashion, and why you DON'T look good.

Okay listen up women. I love you. I love everything about you in terms of anatomy. I love the fact that you curl your toes when you hit an orgasm, or when you scream into a pillow to soften the yell. I love that you claw at my back when I hit the right spot, or bite my lip when I kiss you the right way. I love when you drop something, only to pick it up and tuck your silken hair behind your ear. I love when you accidentally burp, then covering your mouth only to burp louder. I love when you go out to get me something that you think I like, and wind up getting something different but with good intent. I love that you wear my pj's because they're warm as hell and you look super cute with those pants. I love it when you wear my leafs jersey during a game, and after when things get intimate. I love when I play my favorite video game, you go out and research it, then coming back with a plush doll of one of the characters which ends up being used as a toy for my dog/cat. I love when you wear that red lingerie and while walking outdoors you hint towards it, and we end up doing a quickie in your dad's car. I love when you drink too much that your cheeks turn red and you trip over your feet only to fall on my lips and bust a nerve or something, causing us both to hit the ER. I love when you pass your exam fully excited, only to come home to your sick boyfriend, and nurturing him back to health so he can go back to playing Call of Duty. I love so much about you, and I can list much more. But for fuck's sake please stop wearing those shitty boots.

I hope you enjoy that Big-Mac when you dine in HELL!

Fast food is a crime. It's a crime against humanity. It's a crime against the animal kingdom. It's a crime against the Ten Commandments. Overall, it's just plain wrong. NOW, before I go on, I am going to contradict everything I've said to this point. Fast food is okay. Now, you might say, "JAYPEE LOL, WTF IZ RONG WIT U LOLZ U LIE LOLZ XD!" So before I proceed to beat the shit out of your retarded keyboard abusive ways, I will tell you that everyone at least once, succumbs to fast food consumption. It's just the way we are. Whether it be a craving or just tight on time, we've all been there. I for one, despise going to fast food joints, but really what can you determine is fast food? Most diners in America are fast serving, and they use a lot of processed goods, but yet it's not considered fast food. I guess the guy in the back with no cooking experience, who continues to make sloppy joes, would be considered a chef. I sure as hell don't know. I for one like going to diners and all those 'home cooked meals' kind of places. It brings its own kind of air. Something reminiscent of my American childhood if I had one. But in all honesty, I could never understand the idiocy of our kind when it comes to fast food. We're all just dumb fucks when it comes to health.

Practice Safe Faith.

RELIGION! Haha, sounds scary don't it? Something that stirs up the greatest of troubles over a simple press of a key. I can probably turn many people who actually look forward to reading my blogs, into people who'll create hungry mobs and carry pitchforks and such. I'm not going to praise anything in this post, nor will I bash whatever faith you believe in. I'm not atheist, to set things clear. Nor do I just believe things will happen by the will of anything. I guess I'm stuck in my own little world, where faith plays a smaller role than usual. I have it, and always will. I respect the way my parents raised me and they never once forced it upon me. I'm grateful for that and its sad that many other families don't have this luxury. Faith should never be forced on anyone. It should be up to the person to believe in what they want to believe. Whether it be nothing, or some spaghetti monster in the sky, it's their faith. I for one, would like to delve a little deeper in this extremely taboo subject, only because it piques an exquisite interest of mine, which is belief and knowledge. I'm not scientist, or scholar, nor do I have the wisdom to pass down judgment of any kind. I just like to see things through different perspectives, and taste a little from each side.