I hope you enjoy that Big-Mac when you dine in HELL!

Fast food is a crime. It's a crime against humanity. It's a crime against the animal kingdom. It's a crime against the Ten Commandments. Overall, it's just plain wrong. NOW, before I go on, I am going to contradict everything I've said to this point. Fast food is okay. Now, you might say, "JAYPEE LOL, WTF IZ RONG WIT U LOLZ U LIE LOLZ XD!" So before I proceed to beat the shit out of your retarded keyboard abusive ways, I will tell you that everyone at least once, succumbs to fast food consumption. It's just the way we are. Whether it be a craving or just tight on time, we've all been there. I for one, despise going to fast food joints, but really what can you determine is fast food? Most diners in America are fast serving, and they use a lot of processed goods, but yet it's not considered fast food. I guess the guy in the back with no cooking experience, who continues to make sloppy joes, would be considered a chef. I sure as hell don't know. I for one like going to diners and all those 'home cooked meals' kind of places. It brings its own kind of air. Something reminiscent of my American childhood if I had one. But in all honesty, I could never understand the idiocy of our kind when it comes to fast food. We're all just dumb fucks when it comes to health.



You wake up, put on your work clothes and head out the door. You arrive at x fast food joint, and go behind the counter. Clocking in, you start your day. Throughout the day you snack on fries, lettuce, bits of fallen meat and whatnot. At the end of your shift, you take your free meal and head on home. In less than 5 minutes you consume your 'meaty substance'. After consumption you proceed to either jerk off, play some random video game, watch reality tv or have meaningless sex with your white trash counterpart. After all's said and done, you complain about back problems, breathing problems, heart failure and low sex drive. And weight. Your next shift, you promise to cut down on snacking, yet you take your meal and buy a small snack, let's say a muffin or brownie. You consume everything much faster because of the lack of food in your stomach, and go out with your friends or trash counterpart for some fast food. You have now doubled your shitty habit and increased the odds of dying by 19.

The best part is, I can guarantee this is not bullshit. Countless people, especially in lower class areas, are succumbing to this state of mind. No one wants the hassle of cooking. They say they don't know how. Well how the hell did you learn to walk those fat legs? How did you learn how to slap your meat properly without rug burn? How the hell did you learn how to type like a retard on social websites? Practice. Anyone can cook, anyone can create. Instead of buying that x-large cheeseburger pizza on promotion in that flyer you subscribe to, go to your grocery store, pick up a bag of dough ( OOOH 2 DOLLARS HOLY SHIT IT'S SO EXPENSIVE), roll it out, mix some tomato paste and oregano with some canned whole tomatoes, spread it on and slice up some meat and veggies. Throw on some cheese, ( not the whole block you cow), and you've got yourself a pizza. Total cost for one x-large pizza = 5-10 dollars. Taste? Extraordinary. Hassle? 1 hour of waiting and prep time.

See, it's not so hard. Burgers are the same thing, just get some damn ground meat, throw in those stale spices your mom never uses, crumble up those xtra spicy doritos you saved for tonight's WoW gathering, and form patties the size of your palm. Throw it on a hot pan and sear both sides, then chuck it in your dust covered oven for about 10-15 minutes on 400. Holy shit, a burger. I know, most people can't afford certain groceries and it's more convenient to get something quick since you're there. But understand that all those times you've gone out with your friends, instead of spending 20-30 dollars at the movie theater, you could have spent 10-11 bucks on the ticket, and the rest could have been pocketed because your smart ass packed a kick ass lunch, or you ate before going. One of the best things you could ever do is plan ahead, but take baby steps. Instead of leaving for work first thing in the morning, try waking up an hour earlier and eat SOMETHING. It doesn't have to be 2 eggs bacon and toast. It could be cereal, leftover homemade pizza, a hooker, anything. Breakfast fuels you for a long time and it really is the most important meal for anyone who doesn't really do much.

Then you'll start slowly figuring out ways to save a bit more money and make some food at home. Instead of going out to eat with your friends, invite them over to try something you made. If it tastes like shit, you know they're never coming over again so do it right. Practice makes perfect and even then practice more. Don't always try to take the easy way out, save that for marriage. Not only will this make you a better cook, but a better person and someone I won't be ashamed to know. Also, enough with the pop. Stop drinking that shit you rotted teeth, crusty toe motherfucker. Have it on special occasions as you would wine or beer. Heck, getting drunk it better than drinking a can of that shit. Then again, you're probably the type who orders a rum and coke because you like the way sugar feels against your heart. Chris Farley would roll in his grave if he could. Then again, heading this way, you're most likely going to bunk up with him.