Okay listen up women. I love you. I love everything about you in terms of anatomy. I love the fact that you curl your toes when you hit an orgasm, or when you scream into a pillow to soften the yell. I love that you claw at my back when I hit the right spot, or bite my lip when I kiss you the right way. I love when you drop something, only to pick it up and tuck your silken hair behind your ear. I love when you accidentally burp, then covering your mouth only to burp louder. I love when you go out to get me something that you think I like, and wind up getting something different but with good intent. I love that you wear my pj's because they're warm as hell and you look super cute with those pants. I love it when you wear my leafs jersey during a game, and after when things get intimate. I love when I play my favorite video game, you go out and research it, then coming back with a plush doll of one of the characters which ends up being used as a toy for my dog/cat. I love when you wear that red lingerie and while walking outdoors you hint towards it, and we end up doing a quickie in your dad's car. I love when you drink too much that your cheeks turn red and you trip over your feet only to fall on my lips and bust a nerve or something, causing us both to hit the ER. I love when you pass your exam fully excited, only to come home to your sick boyfriend, and nurturing him back to health so he can go back to playing Call of Duty. I love so much about you, and I can list much more. But for fuck's sake please stop wearing those shitty boots.
God, really who cares what the hell people wear, as long as it looks good. You can say what you want about being a rebel and fighting the norm, but you're still falling under a category, only making you a stupid fucking hypocrite. Just put your socks on and get the hell out. People focus too hard on brand names, even if the article of clothing looks like horse vomit, they still go ape shit for it. I understand Señor Gaga has got this super ugly shit stain sweater you've been saving for the past year is finally on sale for a few thousand, but I'm sure you'll be fine without another shitty piece of clothing in your Ontario Housing walk in closet. I can fully reason with the fact that it's extremely hard not to spend your OW check on a new pair of shoes, but at least pick something good. Listen to men for once, and when I say men, I mean people who actually worked a real job for a living. Someone who knows how to spell properly without having Firefox correct them after every word. A guy who can actually meet your parents without them having to worry about another baby. Because believe me, we know what's best for you.
And if you think I'm lying, then why the hell are you wearing that tit-short shirt? To look good? For who? Your crackhead friend who's humping the guy next to the bar? Seriously. Stop lowering yourself only to fit in. Guys like independent women, not some broad who listens to Oprah. Listen to what you REALLY want, and ask about it. If it's goofy, we'll tell you. If we don't that's because you're a cold-hearted bitch who instilled fear into us by saying we get no sex if we say anything negative. And that guy's a poon. Honestly though, do you truly think that Uggs look good? Like. Seriously? I could slap dog shit on my feet and be warm, does it make any difference to what you might say about it? There are tons of cheaper methods to buying clothing, and most are actually eye-friendly. Sure they don't consist of gaudy fake diamonds and plastic money, but at least it looks good. And since it's winter, hit up your local Winners and buy some affordable clothing. Don't go searching in the designer 'hot picks' section, because you're bound to find a Kermit the Frog suit.
Like I said, I love almost everything about women. Down to the fact that they hide their farts, only to let them rip like a fiend at home and scare children. Dress the way you do only for yourself. Stop trying to be someone you're not because most of the times, that person is ugly and probably has athletes foot. You look freaking awesome in purple, and green really suits your eyes. That doesn't mean you have to dress like Barney and puke on your get-up to get the shade of green. Do it up, stop wearing rain boots in summer, don't listen to anything Oprah says and be your own damn fashonista. Listen to your real friends and trust the true men. Follow these simple steps and maybe one day you'll realize that I love you without makeup, because eye shadow makes you look like a vampire, and they're really not all that hot.
so to re-iterate....don't listen to anyone.
ReplyDeleteexcept the chef???
i actually agree with you but, but to agree with you i need to tell you to go fuck yourself. some girls like uggs? some people prefer comfort over fashion. what do you say to them. my approach to those lazy ungrateful wenches is simply....dress in what ever you like just know, i won't be seen in public with you if your wearing jogging pants or uggs
There are cheaper ways to get comfortable, my dear tunnel visioned Will. The whole point is that you don't always have to purchase what is mainstream, sure it's much easier than going out and walking to find stuff, but if we always did the easy way out we wouldn't have elected Obama. I'm just saying, that women follow fads to the tee and it's aggravating that by simply telling them what they should do or not do, they become mindless slaves. Especially to the evil all-knowing weight changing Oprah. I've gone out many times and found great pairs of shoes or boots for women in the past couple years, all in shops always overlooked by the typical 'fad' chick. Some for 20 bucks, others for your soul. The point being is that there is more out there than Uggs, Baby Phat or TNA. They just need to look. Don't get me wrong, if every woman wore TNA pants, there would be no more war. Well, except the fat chicks. Then, war. Also, I tried posting this on my iPod with a random name as 'Doctor Cheese Balls' but it was being gay and didn't let me. Anyways Will, my beautiful cactus pear, read and soak this in for it will be your divine intervention. And stay away from the fruit punch.
ReplyDeleteAnd fuck yes listen to the chef. It's the reason why people read my blog is it not? I've been creating my own mindless army this entire time.
ReplyDelete