Food. It doesn't stop at just apples and mangoes. Pineapple shouldn't be the biggest extreme of your life. Going to Mandarin shouldn't be considered fine dining. Well, unless all you've ever tried in your life was fried foods served in Styrofoam containers. Sure, it's awesome to stick with what's known and good, but sometimes you gotta ask yourself if there's something else out there. Instead of ordering pizza, go to an actual pizza restaurant. See how REAL pizza is made. You probably want to say, " BUT JP LOLZ, ITZ 2 EXPENSIV LOLZ.!" Well, my illiterate shit stain, instead of spending money on fast food all the time, or clothes you'll never wear, games you'll never play after beating or toys because you're really an infantile jerk at heart - you can easily save, oh I don't know, 20 bucks? Because fresh, restaurant made pizza doesn't cost you your first born. Usually people are so close minded when it comes to eating out ( I'll get on the thing you're thinking of in another blog you dumb fuck.), that they always feel that going out means they have to dish out loads of money. This is only true if you are retarded and pay more than 10 bucks for chicken wings. Especially when it comes in a basket with paper outlining.
Nay, food should be explored. Go out and find different things that you've never tried. That doesn't mean trying the new Gut Exploder from Wendy's. It means going to an Indian restaurant and trying green curry for the first time. Or ordering a plate of hummus, when all you've tried was the Mr. Greek's kind. Better yet, search stuff online, don't just use your computer for shitty chatting websites or stalker infested pro date rape sites. Instead, go to your trusty friend Google, and type in Thai cuisine. Or Albanian cuisine. Or even true Southern cuisine. It doesn't always have to be a restaurant trip, but it does save time and effort, unless you like to cook, which is excellent. Sure, making chicken 'balls' or fried chicken cutlets with Ragu 'sauce' or chicken pot 'pie' ( I did ' with those words because usually it doesn't consist of any of those items, and is mostly processed.), is fun and all, and I'm sure you have some fond memories of when you ate your first carton of rice and balls. But go further and come to terms that Chinese cuisine doesn't only consist of fried chicken parts and greasy noodles.
For instance, many of my dear friends always give me a sour face when I tell them to try foods I name. Like octopus. When they say, " JP LOLZ I DUN LIEK OCTOPUSS IT SMELZ.!", it makes me want to kick them in their stupid face and shit on their tits. How the hell do you know if you don't like something especially when you've never tasted it? Sure, if you eat a random food thinking it's going to taste bad, your mind will trick you into not liking it, even though you finished my plate. And for the record, Octopus is not even uncommon anymore. Italians love it, Spanish people devour it, Asians have sex with it. What about the dangerous eel? Dear god, you might DIE if you eat it! No. Just, no. Eat the damn thing, realize it tastes just like chicken but a lot silkier, and shut your stupid face. It pains me when I go out with friends and they all order the same damn thing, over and over. And heaven forbid I take them to a restaurant, they freak out because they see the word 'Secondi' on the menu. You're not going to die, it's an Italian restaurant and no Kraft Dinner isn't Italian, you glass shelled buffoon.
Then there's the infamous steak. Everyone and their cat has had it. Not everyone has truly enjoyed it. I don't care what anyone says, you can't tell me a steak tastes good when it looks like my shoe. I'm not saying you have to order the cook to butcher the cow in front of you, but for fuck's sake, get it medium at LEAST. Not everyone who eats a steak medium-rare to rare drinks the blood of young animals. If you make the steak right, no blood should be on the plate whatsoever. That juicy goodness dripping? That's the fucking flavor you cum stain. Don't 'ew' me when I eat a tasty steak while you carve at the ten commandments that is on your plate. You're a fool and you probably think Emeril Lagasse is a master chef. This Christmas, instead of making a 'Mandarin Holiday Feast', close your overpriced racist chinese cookbook, get online, and follow some homemade traditional foods that your gut's been telling you to try. Who cares if you screw it up, that's the whole point in cooking. Because the next time, instead of spring rolls, you'll be feasting on all the wonders the Orient has to offer. Like hot pots and excellent soups. And screaming asian porn.
By this same logic may i deduce that you've ventured into viewing all different types of gay porn?? and to further that notion you've delved into homo-erotic bath houses, because how could you know that you dont like a penis anus while blowing a goat penis, unless you've tried.
ReplyDeleteNow i'm one of these "glass shelled buffoons"(what are those, your brand of tampon??)who loves to stick to his familiar food. at first it started as a safety mechanism to prevent an allergic reaction but as i grew older, i began realizing what my palette liked/disliked. I dislike sauces or "mushy" food. i prefer my seasoning peppered.
Rather then asking the waiter to toss my meals salad,....Anally, by asking him a million and one questions he doesn't care to answer. I just get what i know or what looks familiar to me. Cause although impressing JP with exploration in the world and trying everything once is my life goal(Suicide is just much more fun than that Shitty goal)Fuck JP. he can start buying me meals if thats the case. and when i dont eat said meals cause the first bite taste like the oral equivalent of looking at the chef - you then need to explain to my mom why i'm wasting food when children across the world are eating their own toenails to make sure their shit is solid enough to keep the contents of there tomach in there stomach.
Will, not only did your comment piss off the chef inside me but you also gave me diabetes. I didn't say go out and blow a thousand dollars on goat penis. Nor does comparing cultural foods compare to watching men anally please their cat. You blind bastard, I was merely saying that you shouldn't shut out ethnic foods because the word goat cheese sounds like something you want done to your balls. You senile old fart, I understand that ordering the chicken caeser salad is all fun and dandy, but if you glanced at something on the menu that caught your eye but was turned off by and ingredient you've never had or seen before, you're a penis. Be adventurous and try it. Stop living the Will life and go and try your girlfriend's parent's soup. Literally. I know you're very close minded Will, and many people suffer from retardation as well, but it can be cured by simply venturing off into the 'fresh meats' section instead of buying tv dinners every day. I'm glad you're one to enjoy simplicity because that is key, but don't close yourself off because some gishnu fuck made your chickpea salad and, your god forbid, you notice red onions in there. Holy shit, it's not white. I'm just saying, stop being a prissy little cunt, take that shitty mindset of being a normal piece of shit, and become that real different piece of shit you really are. Also, you dumb fuck, this is a blog that's mainly about food. For me to talk about it is as regular as you talking about gay sex. So seeing as that was your main focus in your mess of a critique, I will shit on your face next time we meet. Much love Will, keep them coming.
ReplyDeleteP.S: The brand name got lost in the sea of goat cum which is your comment.