Hello world, and welcome to my blog. Where we all waste away our lives reading something that benefits us in no way possible. But hey, we still read it. Even I sometimes go through my insanely long and dreadful blog entries, looking at mistakes, comments and silly things that lead to flashbacks. Often do I see the constant swear word followed by a person. I can see that I seem to be a bitter man. Well, I kind of am, I could say the least. Seeing as I've lead a life full of letdowns and failures, I can easily say there is much more to live for than the present. I could be your typical self-loathing angst ridden teenager, wanting more from the world but never putting any value towards it. I've seen myself in the worst of times, trying to get by with a shred of optimism, and alcohol. I've been through those times where life begins to stroke your balls, making you think all of life's problems will be but a wisp in the night and you will begin anew. Then it takes one of your balls and gives you cancer. But don't stop there, friends. Don't dread the day, live it. Don't wallow in your self-pity, go swim. How I came to these conclusions of glorified optimism? I simply went to a Tim Horton's with some good friends and a stack of cards.
We all want more out of life, seeing the globe as this giant cage, waiting to be freed somehow via the 'Big Break'. Now don't let this fool you, I'm not trying to talk you out of killing yourself, by all means that's something you should decide on your own. If you're an avid listener to the filth on the radio these days and religiously output yourself to reality TV, then please do me the favor and leave the country before I come after you a la Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men. Although I won't look anywhere near as cool and I'll probably kill myself somehow. But seriously, the amount of energy we put to get ourselves in a funk, which cause a mild depression state, can be used for something much more beneficial. Like motor-boating, or launching yourself off a cliff into water. These things do good for our society and keeps the bums off the streets. If every panhandler out there got up and began to do the Macarena, we would have the coolest world in which we live in. Imagine, aliens trying to invade us, pass us by because no one wants to fuck up the Macarena, it's like the mecca of all dances.
Another thing we need to savor is meat. Stop being vegetarian, you were never supposed to be one. Being a vegetarian is like saying you don't like to breathe. Sure, vegetables taste good and they do a lot for your body, but holy fucking shit, a steak would make your orgasms 10 fold their current state. Sure you might get obese faster and you probably might have a heart attack, but really, isn't the price to pay so small compared to the benefits? I say yes. If you think you ever want to become something you're not, slap yourself in the face and look reality in the mouth. Tell it, that you are who you are, and if you want to eat a bloody leg of lamb, then by all fucking means, eat that lamb. Just don't expect anyone to be your friend. I would be, but that's fucked up.
Finally, we come to the conclusion, that Timbits are the sole answer to our problems. I don't necessarily just mean the nicely coated warm fluffy ball of heaven you can get in bulk, I mean the concept of such an amazing food in a single bite. As you enjoy the Timbit, you become one with life. With nature. You see the world in a new light, knowing that there is some hope to your idea for a TV sitcom featuring a teenage lobster trying to cope with his oyster parents. It might be far-fetched, but nothing is impossible. Do what you want to do and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. After I post this on Facebook, I want the news to be flooded with acts of bravery, kindness and retardation. I want to see people trying to fly, become dinosaurs and eat from a horse's mouth. I want our world to be filled with free-minded people. Living together in a system created by our dreams. And as this entry comes to a conclusion, I have ran out of crack.
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