My parents wonder why I'm such a stubborn mule. Yet I don't think anyone in my family, immediate and relatives, has ever backed away from an argument. Arabs everywhere, in order for us to dominate the world, we need to learn our flaws. I will name a few:
1. We're a proud race. For a bunch of hairy people riding dune buggies into buses screaming "Allah!", we need to calm down on the pride thing. We have beautiful looking people, gorgeous lands ( the ones which haven't been blown up) and a great language that isn't as harsh as people think.
2. The rock chuggers. There are Arabs out there who sound like they chug rocks for a living. Tone that shit down. Our language is supposed to be subtle and somewhat harmonious. Yet we have people with hair coming out their fingers screaming at each other because someone made fun of their mustache.
3. Bro. Best thing bro. Enough with the bro this bro that. I say bro a lot. I hate myself for it. But maaaan, some of these fuckers use it in place of other words. Almost as if its part of our damn language. I swear I came across a conversation once at a cafe, it went something like this, "Bro, we need to do this bro. It's not right bro, like bro, we gotta go get bro. Bro." I swear I'm not lying. He had the typical gino/freestyle lifestyle look and smelled like over sprayed Malizia. That reminds me....bro...
4. We're Arab. We're not Italian. We're not Spanish. We're not anything else. Fuck you. Why the hell do I always see Arabs hanging out with a bunch of greasy wops thinking they actually blend in? I mean shit, that whole group consists of one giant tub of gel and a Parasuco label, but still you can tell the difference. If you spot a group of friends and most of them are white as snow and you have one skid mark looking guy, he's generally Arab or Indian. Which brings another flaw.
5. This is for Indians. You're not anything but an Indian. You're from India, you look brown as my table and you have a thick accent. Accept your culture with open arms and stop trying to blend in. There are over 1 billion of you. 1 BILLION. Fuck you, stop multiplying and start learning English. Even though it might not matter, seeing as you will most likely take over the world.
6. For the women. Makeup is nice. Too much makeup is not. Arab women wearing makeup is a crime. You look like clowns. Red lipstick with a black outfit and blue eyeshadow makes you look like yesterday's pimp pickings. I swear, it's like you enjoy looking like a bucket of used paint. Ease up on the nails, tone down your makeup and enough with the ass. I enjoy asses. I love a nice bum. But you're not Kim Kardashian and you should be proud you're not. She isn't a woman anymore, she's a husk for black penises. I could probably play debke inside her vagina and still have room to bake baklava.
7. To the adults and elderly. You're old. Stop trying to fit into your kids' group of friends. Stop posting pictures on Facebook with your lips puckered. Stop trying to look tough when your flab is sticking out. You're Arab, you should have more pride. Seriously, its almost like we enjoy contradicting ourselves. Lets consider ourselves superior to every race, yet dress like douchebags and pout all over the internet to get attention.
8. Stop killing each other. Israel, Palestine, Lebanon, Syria, Afghanistan, Egypt, wherever you're from. You're Middle Eastern. Stop. I don't care who is right and who is wrong. You're all wrong. We need to take over the world, not become extinct. You give us all a bad name and you're the reason why sand nigger is an appropriate term. To the people on Facebook who supports a side, stop. Shut up, enjoy your life and stay out of it. You're not helping. I don't care if your country is at war, saying the other guy is wrong, is just like an argument you never backed out of. Admit your stupid mistakes and move on. We have countries to invade.
I think that generally sums up most of it. I could most likely go on but my blood pressure is at a stable level right now. I'd rather focus on more important things, like what I can eat and how to shave my ball without making it look nubile. Anyways, as always, keep reading. I'll be sure to upset more people some other time. Right now I have a hot date with my washroom and a bottle of pepto bismol.
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