The Adventures of Half-Sack.

Well, I was going to keep this to myself, but what better to share my shitty fucked up life with you dicks, who will eventually use it to attack me with pathetic insults and comebacks only your mom would ask back. All of you may know me as the gentle, kind and loving guy who always talked about how big his balls are and how you'll never amount to anything. You got that right. Especially the balls part. This is a story about my testicles, and how paying attention to your beans will pay out in the end. Especially when you're early. They aren't kidding when they say to inspect your body for anything unnatural. I did that, and found Gilligan's Island growing on my right nut. Things didn't really seem different until I started to notice drastic changes and slight pain. My body was telling me to get it checked but the porn was telling me to stay. Decisions like this are usually saved for the most important of men, and that day, I was a VIP in my own right. I could say this is all life changing, but so is taking a dump, because they're all usually never the same. Gratifying if you will. This however did make me see things in a whole new light, and somehow, I'm going to be a little more cautious and less arrogant when it comes to watching porn. Oh and life as well.

Instead of being a closed minded cock bolt, try something different for a change, you saggy old vagina.

Food. It doesn't stop at just apples and mangoes. Pineapple shouldn't be the biggest extreme of your life. Going to Mandarin shouldn't be considered fine dining. Well, unless all you've ever tried in your life was fried foods served in Styrofoam containers. Sure, it's awesome to stick with what's known and good, but sometimes you gotta ask yourself if there's something else out there. Instead of ordering pizza, go to an actual pizza restaurant. See how REAL pizza is made. You probably want to say, " BUT JP LOLZ, ITZ 2 EXPENSIV LOLZ.!" Well, my illiterate shit stain, instead of spending money on fast food all the time, or clothes you'll never wear, games you'll never play after beating or toys because you're really an infantile jerk at heart - you can easily save, oh I don't know, 20 bucks? Because fresh, restaurant made pizza doesn't cost you your first born. Usually people are so close minded when it comes to eating out ( I'll get on the thing you're thinking of in another blog you dumb fuck.), that they always feel that going out means they have to dish out loads of money. This is only true if you are retarded and pay more than 10 bucks for chicken wings. Especially when it comes in a basket with paper outlining.

A blog about Fashion, and why you DON'T look good.

Okay listen up women. I love you. I love everything about you in terms of anatomy. I love the fact that you curl your toes when you hit an orgasm, or when you scream into a pillow to soften the yell. I love that you claw at my back when I hit the right spot, or bite my lip when I kiss you the right way. I love when you drop something, only to pick it up and tuck your silken hair behind your ear. I love when you accidentally burp, then covering your mouth only to burp louder. I love when you go out to get me something that you think I like, and wind up getting something different but with good intent. I love that you wear my pj's because they're warm as hell and you look super cute with those pants. I love it when you wear my leafs jersey during a game, and after when things get intimate. I love when I play my favorite video game, you go out and research it, then coming back with a plush doll of one of the characters which ends up being used as a toy for my dog/cat. I love when you wear that red lingerie and while walking outdoors you hint towards it, and we end up doing a quickie in your dad's car. I love when you drink too much that your cheeks turn red and you trip over your feet only to fall on my lips and bust a nerve or something, causing us both to hit the ER. I love when you pass your exam fully excited, only to come home to your sick boyfriend, and nurturing him back to health so he can go back to playing Call of Duty. I love so much about you, and I can list much more. But for fuck's sake please stop wearing those shitty boots.

I hope you enjoy that Big-Mac when you dine in HELL!

Fast food is a crime. It's a crime against humanity. It's a crime against the animal kingdom. It's a crime against the Ten Commandments. Overall, it's just plain wrong. NOW, before I go on, I am going to contradict everything I've said to this point. Fast food is okay. Now, you might say, "JAYPEE LOL, WTF IZ RONG WIT U LOLZ U LIE LOLZ XD!" So before I proceed to beat the shit out of your retarded keyboard abusive ways, I will tell you that everyone at least once, succumbs to fast food consumption. It's just the way we are. Whether it be a craving or just tight on time, we've all been there. I for one, despise going to fast food joints, but really what can you determine is fast food? Most diners in America are fast serving, and they use a lot of processed goods, but yet it's not considered fast food. I guess the guy in the back with no cooking experience, who continues to make sloppy joes, would be considered a chef. I sure as hell don't know. I for one like going to diners and all those 'home cooked meals' kind of places. It brings its own kind of air. Something reminiscent of my American childhood if I had one. But in all honesty, I could never understand the idiocy of our kind when it comes to fast food. We're all just dumb fucks when it comes to health.

Practice Safe Faith.

RELIGION! Haha, sounds scary don't it? Something that stirs up the greatest of troubles over a simple press of a key. I can probably turn many people who actually look forward to reading my blogs, into people who'll create hungry mobs and carry pitchforks and such. I'm not going to praise anything in this post, nor will I bash whatever faith you believe in. I'm not atheist, to set things clear. Nor do I just believe things will happen by the will of anything. I guess I'm stuck in my own little world, where faith plays a smaller role than usual. I have it, and always will. I respect the way my parents raised me and they never once forced it upon me. I'm grateful for that and its sad that many other families don't have this luxury. Faith should never be forced on anyone. It should be up to the person to believe in what they want to believe. Whether it be nothing, or some spaghetti monster in the sky, it's their faith. I for one, would like to delve a little deeper in this extremely taboo subject, only because it piques an exquisite interest of mine, which is belief and knowledge. I'm not scientist, or scholar, nor do I have the wisdom to pass down judgment of any kind. I just like to see things through different perspectives, and taste a little from each side.

The Love Bug - Why it will give you cancer and take your lunch money.

Another relationship topic with yours truly. This time, it'll be a little more in depth but subtle, with a hint of vanilla. It's something that ticks me off sometimes, when I see couples flaunt themselves all over the place. Love is a great thing to experience, and its unlike anything you've ever had. That's why you're not in love and you just find the other person attractive enough to have sex with. Which is fine. But don't put pictures of yourselves sucking each others faces on your social sites, expecting people to really mean it when they comment something like, " U GUYZ R SO CUTE LOL!" Really, they're saying, " OMG I WISH I WUZ HER!" Jealousy is a bitch, and it strikes even the most retarded of us. Becoming jealous of a petty relationship is even more stupid. If you were really in love, you wouldn't need to post it everywhere letting the world to know. You're not Romeo and your girlfriend looks like James Blunt, may he rest in peace (I'm off to kill him now). Honestly though, you should share everything with your partner, down to the last timbit, but when it comes to exploitation, you look like a jerk. No one gives a shit if you met with your boyfriend and he bought you a flower. He probably did something bad because he couldn't afford a dozen.

If I farted in your mouth would you still call me father?

I've been through a lot of thinking these last couple of weeks and I've been walking every now and then for long periods of time. It helps me clear my mind of whatever it is I'm wrapping my grease filled brain around and also lose some excess chunk. Just the usual, what am I doing and what do I have in plan. Who will I date and who is even a woman. Those things. I like to let my mind wander sometimes, let it free itself and think of anything that comes to me. The other day, I was thinking about some random person I met during my walks. We barely even talked but we had some sort of connection. The moment we looked at each other, thoughts flowed rapidly as we shared the minute between souls. I was thinking about lust, love and power. What would happen if I would have talked to this woman and what could happen in the future. Nothing true mind you, but hey that's what imagination is for. She was probably thinking that I should shave and probably blow my nose, for at the time I sneezed an elephant on the ttc booth. Regardless, its times like this that I somewhat remember most. The quick times I spend just glancing at someone.