Woman - The inside story of the female kind told by some dick egotistical masocist motherfucker. And me.

Welcome to the end, of high prices! Always wanted to start like that, didn't know how so might as well throw it in here since half of you didn't even read this far. Listen up kids, for I am about to entail the full story of women, and how they became the greatest asset of my life, and never really in it. In this story filled with magic and bullshit, I will envelop your minds with such assfuckery, that you'll begin to question the very existence of your soul. It's mind blowing shit and most of it was thought up drunk. And possibly high....OFF LIFE. No really, I'm retarded. Anyways, I'd like to start off by thanking you all, for no reason specifically, but because you're you and you've probably excelled at living more than the average human being simply because you read my blog. So for this, THANK YOU. 



So now, on to the story of the woman. The beautiful amazonian creature that became what they are today. Sacks of flesh waiting to be picked up by some random fuck tart, who probably never worked a decent job in his entire life, only knowing that his parents are the main reason of his existence and that he'll never amount to anything except a larger than average penis and a stupid haircut. Also, they've adapted so well to society that they've even became full of themselves creating a lesser species known as the feminists. But that's another story. This one begins a long time ago, when dragons roamed the land, and black people sat on the back of the bus. When woman weren't considered a living being until someone noticed they spoke back and didn't do the dishes when they were told to. A time where magic flooded the air and spirits would surround you. A time where alcohol was cheap and the officials in charge of keeping the peace didn't care if you killed someone as long as it meant no harm to others. In this time, my friends, the woman was created.

She was known to others formally as 'Flo'. We would have called her, titty for short. Women at the time were uncivilized and became distraught with the amount of work given. An average female would practice seven household jobs as she fed the kids and walked the dog. They were working animals, inferior to us males because of their frail bodies and disgusting amounts of emotion. A real job would intimidate women, it would make them cower in fear, for they did not know the working world. Cooking meant making three square meals a day and sending the kids off to lunch. Where as a real cook has made thousands upon thousands of meals at a fast pace without breaking a sweat. Not to undermine though, because women became....beautiful.

A man who noticed such an explosion of beauty reported this to his superior. They mustered up a rally to defy this oncoming rage of gorgeousness and fought with all their hearts. In the end the women won. They knew the exact way to get to a man's heart. A big fucking blowjob. I don't give a shit what half of you say, there is no such thing in this world more beautiful than a blowjob. It's better than sex and makes you skeet twice as fast. And if they're really good, your balls get more attention, thus attaining the highest climax ever. Fuck, women are awesome. But nonetheless, the woman became a strong existence in our world. They adapted, and created more, making them the strongest force alive. Nothing could stop them, as they continued to grow, advancing further than us males.

Today, the women are flourishing, albeit their hiccups here and there like Lady Gaga or Roseanne. Women came from a time when they were thought to be mindless sex machines, only capable of taking it vaginally. Now we have crafted, err, witnessed them evolve into better creatures. There is limitless potential for a women in regards to sex, work and sex. Now, you must think of me as some kind of pervert, and some kind of piece of shit womanizer. Nay I say unto you. I adore women. I love the ground they walk on. I treat every woman as if they were blessed by the gods themselves. Or me. I love everything that is The Woman. And after everything is said and done, I would generously offer my time for a woman in dire need. And if you are in dire need of penis, feel free to call. Now I must lay my head, get back to reality, and wake up tomorrow for my parents are off for a week. It's time to party. Love. Live. Fart.