Torn Asunder - The Birth of Tragedy.

Holy what an emo title eh? Usually I would start with a paragraph that has nothing to do with my story, but since this is a very special topic for me, I would like to add a certain gravity to the subject. Make it feel more so than usual. I'm talking about my jump into depression. Probably the scariest trip I've ever taken and it was a long one. I've looked back from time to time seeing where I've gone wrong in my travels, trying to answer every question I could possibly muster. I just can't. Not that I won't, but some answers are just best left riddles because that way I know that there is more to my life than open doorways. There is always pain and suffering in our lifetimes, whether we like it or not. It can be as inviting as a warm summer breeze, gently caressing your lips as it drains your life. It dwells in us, and lives off us. Everything you love means nothing when it hits, but that is all in fair game. You are the only one who can surpass all of the trials and tribulations that tragedy throws at you. When you finally achieve your escape, you will grasp appreciation. If not, you will experience hell as we know it.

Responsibility - You don't have it.

People piss me off. Seriously they really do. Sometimes I get so angry looking how people deal with their everyday problems, or trivial things in general and it ticks me right off. When I was a budding male, I was given a job at 13. I worked my ass off and hauled in the cash just so I could support my parents. I've gotten jobs for friends that don't even talk to me anymore. I've done favors for people just so I could have a clear conscience. And all of their responsibilities, have fallen on my shoulders. I'm no martyr, or saint. I'm nothing special in terms of legendary people ( yet). All I know is that I've done a fair share of work in my life and I'm only 23. I know many of you have worked their asses off and gotten to where they are now because of so, but there are people who abuse people like me to get everything. I've always been the guy to pay for things going out. Whether it be friends or a ball smoker girlfriend. That's just how I am and I don't think I'll change simply because it makes me happy. I don't give two shits about the value of money. I understand that I need it and I make it to spend on things I need or want. Other than that, whatever people may think, I could care less about it. I save my money and spent it however I please. Whenever I get the chance to support my family I will. I'm 23, still living with my parents and sister and I still help them whenever the chance. I've dated women who tried pulling me away from that because they want me to focus on my future. Bitch, I know my future, and don't tell me otherwise. I know what I want in life and to obtain it, I will have to suffer. That doesn't mean I'm going all selfish and cold. I put my family and friends close to me and their responsibilities are my own. Why else would I be called a friend?

♪ I want to do you in the butt. I want to do you in the butt. I like to hear you say what. I want to do you in the butt. ♪ That's the female ass folks.

I can't help it. I love butts. I'm an ass man. It drives me buck wild when I see the perfect derriere. I'm not a pig or animal, I just appreciate the physical awesomeness that our lord of the dance gave us. I think one of my coolest butt-related experiences was when I was out with a bunch of friends and we went to a nice little club, filled with hoochie mamas round and round. I hate clubs, but I was drunk before getting in so I didn't mind that much. As we jerked through the bunch of pansy ass 'bros' we split up and just went and did our own thing. I came across this tiny polish chick, with her annoying shit brown friend. As I tried to dance with her, pulling as many courteous moves as I could being drunk, her shit stain friend kept pestering her to dance with jumbo dick chin across from me. Seeing as I'm not the most attractive man alive, and he had a forehead of steel, she decided to dance with him. Before going however, she took my hand and let me grab her ass. She said, " You wish you could get this." She proceeded to go to the guy, and suddenly died of herpes as she touched him. The entire place blew up after we left and the entire area was infected with a deadly virus killing millions of polish people. I got my ass fill, she's getting raped by pineapples. Take that bitch.

Smegma - Usually known as dick cheese, butt cream, or the Rachel Ray.

So to continue from my last Holy Scripture, I was talking about that night with your girlfriend. Wait. No. Don't beat her I was kidding. Actually no, she's a whore. Really though, this is about my leap into culinary, and it updates as much as I mas......master my arts. I have a long road ahead of me, and I'm sure it's filled with trials and tribulations that only I can overcome. Almost like Link, when he has to get all that shit to save Zelda, only to appear in another game to save her bitch ass once more. Women, pfft. So sit back, lie down, bend over do whatever it is you do to read this and enjoy. If it helps your sex life, please send videos to chef_mallah@hotmail.com....for critique......yeah.

I always wanted to have sex with more than one woman at a time. If you think otherwise, you're a dirty liar and you know it.

So I quit my job. Finally. Good freaking riddance. They lost an important staff member over something extremely trivial, and are paying for it now. Oh well. Kinda funny how things played out this week. My last day was awesome. The coolest people just started coming and one of the owners was drunk off his ass and tipped each of us 50 bucks. If that wasn't enough, I got my Halo Reach Legendary Edition yesterday, which was 5 days sooner than expected with no additional cost. On top of that, one of the customers just came in the other day and told a co-worker than I can give my resume at his spot. Also, several others are willing to give me jobs. It feels nice to be wanted, really does.

Heart - The other white meat.

Oh look, a post about relationships. Mine out of all of them. Good grief. I felt the need to express my inner romantic because without him, my passion for food would be uneventful. Almost like having sex with a lumberjack. He'll just kill you and you know it. Now I do believe in certain things that must be a staple to find in a woman, and food is one of them. If she doesn't eat, she's not for me. I want to find someone who'll order quail when we go out, instead of the 'seafood' surprise. I'm not saying she has to be upper class or snobby, but goddammit she better be ready to try different things otherwise I'm going to shit on her chest with an array of flavors never heard of before. Women are confusing.

When life gives you lemons, use a laser gun and shoot the zombie in the fucking balls.

I freaking LOVE video games. It's the next step for me from cooking. My other half. If I could turn a video game into a delectable pastry, I would. Then I would induce vomiting and proceed to playing said video game. I think sometimes, when I lose all will to do anything else, I just pop in a VG and just go at it like a rabid horse. It's just as if I was reading a gripping novel, or violating a catholic nun. I didn't do the latter, but that got your attention didn't it? You sick bastards. As I usually say, I need to cook. It's my life and passion, my getaway, my mecca. Video games are like my mistress. When I feel bored of cooking ( yeah it happens to all of us, don't gasp), I simply turn my TV on and shoot me some Nazis. Nothing feels better than looking at Hitler in a Robotic suit, and blasting his sinful ass straight down to video game hell.